Today I decided to take a walk on the trails in a nearby woods with my dog, Remi. I thought of the logistics. I figured I needed my biggest dog to come with me just in case of something happening and as a companion. He truly is the best adventure companion as we walked in the woods on a very, hot summer day. We walked together on the path that I've been on so many times with my husband. I figured that was the safest option considering I hadn't walked alone there before. We made the whole loop together and he gently walked with me. He knew this path probably better than I did.
I chose to walk today because my soul needed to reconnect with God in nature since nature is one the places I best experience the Lord's presence. I haven't had a lot of time, lately, to be left with my thoughts and some of that was on purpose.
As we walked, I had a thought about how many pastors say to not look back, but just keep moving forward. How can you focus on moving forward if you're always looking back?
This made me think about the past and how walking on this path is so much easier. I saw this path I was literally walking on as better because it was familiar. The other trails I could have taken were like the unknown future of what could happen if I went on this new path? Which is why I stuck to the familiar loop that I had known. Even Remi was more relaxed on this path that we knew so well together. Why would I choose the new trail that could lead to some unknown thing like, getting lost?
I'm not a risk taker. I do "wing it" a lot in life which could make it sound like I'm a risk taker, but when I "wing it" I stay within my limits. I rather do what is familiar most of the time. I keep within comfortable lines to limit events giving me anxiety. (Anxiety is probably why I don't take risks) I even find comfort in the past since I'm a very past-focused person. I reflect upon on the past (not always with joy though.) I often let the past dictate the present whether it's good or bad. I find that choosing to do what is familiar most of the time is better. Why take a risk when so much could happen?
I then reflected on what it would be like to take new trails figuratively and literally? Figuratively speaking, what would it be like for me to move into the unknown? Could I do things that absolutely terrify me or just cause some low grade anxiety all the time? I wondered how could I take new trails when it often feels like it doesn't take much to send me drowning in feelings of being overwhelmed, a little bit depressed, and a whole lot of anxiousness.
Then the thought came to me: Isn't that why I need to trust God? To trust Him in the unknown, to take new paths that are unclear of the destination, to try new things on a large and small scale. If I continue to take paths that are safe and familiar, I really don't need to trust God a lot. A lot of it is relying on my own endurance and strength. I would say I am an independent person who has had to "toughen up" a lot through scenarios that have caused me a ton of anxiety. I usually just barrel my way through. I don't give up even if my feelings are horrible and I want to run. I definitely don't hide my feelings about it though because everyone is going to hear how much I hate doing something, but I rarely ever just flat out give up. I would say when I have to go through something there are hopeful whispers that God will come through or I just rely on the strength I can muster up. I don't willingly take bold leaps of faith to trust God. I do everything in my limits unless I have no choice but to do things that terrify me from outside pressure. I often just try to "suck it up" and keep going if have to or I just play it safe with my normal routine of life.
Isn't it actually better to play it safe BY trusting in the Lord and not on our own strength? Trusting in God is always the better option. That doesn't mean once you trust in God, that suddenly everything is going to get better. Honestly, when I have to grab on tight to the Lord's hand by trying to trust in Him, is when life gets really hard. I imagine it like hurricane winds where I'm barely hanging on and have to grab His hand so I don't fly away. These moments of trying to trust God aren't easy and it usually means we are being put through a time of testing. These times of suffering are to grow us even if you might be like me where all you want to do is mope on the couch after a hard day.
"For this light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen. For the things that are seen are transient, but the things that are unseen are eternal" (2 Corinthians 4:17-18, ESV).
"Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do" (James 1: 2-8, NIV).
While I was typing this to you, I didn't realize that James had mentioned being tossed and blown in the wind. I would say that these seasons of being tested are to mold us and shape us to be what the Lord wants. I do appreciate that the Lord does this, but I am tossed in the wind by my doubt a lot of the time. I'm too afraid to trust because what if this one time God doesn't come through? Which is a crazy thought and isn't from God. I guess it all goes back to how relying on myself has sometimes been the only person I could count on even though I have had the Lord with me on this journey the whole time.
Lately, I've been in a testing season. I encounter these hills and valleys often. I just came from a special time on being on a hill, but I find myself descending down a valley, yet again. I've doubted the Lord's purpose in all of this, I've debated running, I've been really low, and my anxiety feels like it's waiting to attack anytime I'm thrown out of my limits.
Just as the Lord always comes through, I heard the Lord's voice say to me right before this valley began, "Do you trust me?"
If only I could have enough time to explain to you how the word, "Trust" has appeared in my life. It's not a sweet feeling to me. I always hear the word with a bit of a grudge. Trust is so unreliable sometimes, but here the Lord is again, "Do you trust me?"
I timidly respond...yes. Well, at least I'm going to try to trust you. As soon as I said that, peace and reassurance flooded over me. That small, "God moment" has been brought to my thoughts by the Holy Spirit many times as I am uncovering new trails in this season of testing.
• • •
After we finished the trail, my adventurous-self kicked in. I saw another trail on the left. Remi was pulling on his leash to go back to our home, but I lead him on a new trail. This time he walked a lot quicker with excitement with all the new smells he had never experienced before. I kept having to tell him to slow down as we declined down a little hill. I was slightly worried that I would get lost, but I always knew that I could just turn around. I would find my way back easily if I did that because it was safe. I chose to keep moving forward despite the unknown. As we walked I recognized the creek that we had seen before. This added some ease to me, but I still wondered what would be ahead. Remi eventually slowed down because he also recognized the creek that he had swam in before. We traveled along taking in the new sights. As we walked, I reflected on the joy of being in nature as peace finally settled over me like a cloud even with my many wandering thoughts.
Once we made it towards the end of this trail, I noticed it just made a loop back to the other trail we had taken before. I was excited that I chose that new trail and thought of taking both my dogs and husband next time. After all this time of living here, I never even considered trying a new trail by myself out of fear of the unknown. I'm glad we took this trail because if we didn't, I wouldn't have this story to share with you. The Lord really does speak often in the unexpected moments when we choose to trust Him in the unknown even if it's just taking new trails in life (literally and figuratively).
There was a lot of symbolism in this story. I bet if you take the time to ponder on all of it, you'll see the Lord in the resemblance of the creek, my dog, and who knows what else He might bring to your mind. I could write a mini book to you on all the lessons God has in just walking on a new trail in the woods with the Lord and my dog today.
Comentários