When I turned 20, I wrote a blog post on 20 things I've learned in 20 years. I reread my post and for some reason, I feel so much older now even though it's only been four years. My life has completely changed since then. I was in a different relationship at 20. I had different friends then too. I couldn't expect myself to know this, but that girl had no idea what was coming for her. She had no idea that she would go through a breakup and then later meet her future husband...that same year. She also had no idea that a year later she would be married and moving to Indiana. She also had so much shame and brokenness inside of her. She was broken over the mistakes she made but was trying to suppress all the trauma she had internalized. She tried to find a childlike joy, yet I can't help but notice the deep pain she was really going through. I really wish I could speak some kind words to her now. I suppose 30-year-old me will think the same about me today too.
I figured I would write 24 things that I've learned like I did four years ago.
Jesus isn't meant to be like a checklist. He longs to have a deep relationship with you and doesn't want to be placed in a box with a label that says, "Obligations of the Day."
2.5 years of marriage will continually remind you of all the many things you need to work on and yet at the same time, that is okay. I will always be a work in progress. I will never achieve perfection in my lifetime.
Friendships don't last forever and that is also okay. As much as it hurts to go through relationships so quickly, it's a part of life to change. Change is a good thing.
How people respond to me is not a reflection of me, but of who they are. I can't change people. I can only control how I respond.
Healthy confrontation is so good, but I'm terrible at it. I cripple in fear. I really want to work on this.
You will have wounds that will take a lot longer to heal than expected. Some relationships will cause more pain than others. Boundaries are so important for those hard relationships. I am still trying to figure this out.
Healing is a process. It comes in waves. Sometimes it feels like you're making a lot of progress and other times you feel like you're making no progress. It's okay if healing looks a little different than you expected it to be.
Love is still scary and vulnerable in this stage of life. I do know that love is a beautiful thing that God has created for us to live out. Learning to accept love will take some time. Not everyone needs to be held at an arm's length.
My former therapist told me, "You can do hard things." I haven't forgotten that. I always thought that doing terrifying things would crumble me, but I don't think that's the case. Maybe doing the hard things is what will make me stronger.
Having community isn't as easy as it appears on social media. Community will take a long time to grow. It might not look the way you had hoped it would right now, but there is still hope.
I am learning to find my voice now. I am learning to appreciate my voice and that my voice matters in any room. I can speak up even when I'm scared to.
I don't have to feel guilty for things I do, like ruining a recipe, resting, eating fast food, or hitting a curb. Guilt doesn't have to carry with me like a heavy load of baggage.
I am learning to be my own advocate even if I have struggled with insecurity and fear for so many years.
Nature is a beautiful place to reconnect with my soul and God.
I didn't end up where I thought I was going to end up and sometimes that's really discouraging. I am trying to hold onto hope that there is a purpose as to where I live because sometimes I'm so ready to pack my bags with my husband and pets to head somewhere warm.
Owning a home has been so good for us. The best part is that I have been able to express my creativity through interior design.
Homemaking has become one of my favorite things which I know 20-year-old me wouldn't have expected.
Relationships are my hardest struggle.
Ministry has looked really different than what I had expected. It's not fulfilling all the time either. I am still wondering what my purpose in life is, but I'm trusting that the Lord is working behind the scenes.
God has been so very kind to me. He always knows what I need at the perfect time. That will never change.
Learning how to show the truth of God while also being loving is still a process I am working through.
I am trusting that the Lord is healing me from anxiety. I have already made a ton of progress. I received a deliverance prayer from fear which is why I believe my anxiety is so much better. I still struggle with fear of man so I am hoping God will deliver me of this too.
Not everyone is going to like you and as much as it hurts to say this, it's okay that they don't. This is really hard for me with my people plesing tendencies.
Finding joy in the mundane will always be so important to me as long as I keep my eyes open to the wonder and beauty of God's creation.
I haven't conquered all of these things, but I am a work in progress. We all are no matter what age we are. I'm looking forward to the years ahead to what God will teach me.
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